Although the Pitch Your Book to Life Contest is for nonfiction book concepts only, we have had some great fiction entries submitted, and I have a special gift for those participants today. I’ve asked my colleague Stuart Horwitz, the genius behind bookarchitecture.com, to comment and provide feedback on their entries. Here is some more information on Stuart:

Stuart Horwitz is the founder of Book Architecture, an independent editing firm which has helped bestselling authors of fiction and non-fiction through an innovative approach known as The Book Architecture Method®. His book, BLUEPRINT YOUR BESTSELLER: Organize and Revise Any Manuscript With The Book Architecture Method, comes out next year from Perigee/Penguin.

Here is Stuart’s feedback:

Entry 1

MOONCUSSERS by Barbara Eppich Struna

According to Cape Cod legend, Maria Hallett was branded a witch in the 1700s and yet, there is no documented proof of her existence.
When Nancy Caldwell and her husband, Paul, move their family east to Cape Cod, they unwittingly become involved in this dark tale of Maria and her lover, the infamous Black Sam Bellamy, featured on National Geographic’s: Real Pirates.
As Nancy explores their two acres, she stumbles upon an abandoned root cellar and at its bottom lay evidence connecting their property to the mythical Maria Hallett and the lost riches of Sam Bellamy.
In alternating chapters, my historical novel, MOONCUSSERS, takes you from the 18th to the 21st century and back discovering secrets and clues along the way on a Cape Cod treasure hunt.  As a comparison, people who have read William Martin’s CAPE COD and BACK BAY will enjoy MOONCUSSERS.
I live in an 1890 house on Cape Cod with my artist/husband and five children.

Barbara, this sounds like an intriguing set-up for historical fiction. You may want to decide how much research you will do vs. how much creative license you will take? And also, what will the parallel story in the present time consist of? In addition to the search itself what kind of impact will the discoveries have on Nancy’s family?

Entry 2

Sylvia’s Story by Nancy Mclendon

A mysterious poisoning in a small Alabama town leads to turmoil when a young black woman is arrested, and her white attorney, ‘Lige Glover, ignores the town’s animosity to plead for her life before an all-white jury. He loses the case; hope seems to disappear for the young woman who waits despondently for the hour of death in a cold, dark cell. At the appointed time, Sylvia Williams meets the noisy crowd and walks onto the gallows to stand on the spot marked X.  The countdown begins….ten, nine, eight, seven….the young woman stands quietly listening to the sobs of her mother just below the hangman’s noose. As the events of this true story unfold, the reader experiences life in the Alabama of 1912 as lived by the characters in Sylvia’s Story.

So amazing that this actually happened, Nancy. Have you thought about what the uplifting part of the message would be? It seems a little unremitting at present — what will the reader carry away with them besides dismay at this terrible injustice?

Entry 3

The GABI Life ~ You Too Can Have The Life of a Dog by Chris Alexandria

Gabi, Chris’ infamous Goldendoodle has taught her and her family the wisdom of being in the moment.  She has taught them to enjoy playing throughout each and every day. Gabi has taught them how to put self first in life which enables her to love the family with a bottomless fountain of love, joy and yes, even a bit of wisdom.

Go on a year’s journey with Gabi and Chris as they share stories, offer ‘people wisdom’ and even some homework that can be completed each month so you too can have a life of a dog!

This is certain to appeal to dog lovers and the child in all of us, Chris. It is a little unclear who the narrator is (dog, child, parent) and what age the audience is? That might help refine the theme a bit further.

Entry 4

Magic Blankie by Marguerite Bryant

Magic Blankie is a book for kids about time traveling in your imagination. It’s written in rhyme, and begins: “There once was a boy with a blankie that flew! (and flying was not all it could do!) When he went to sleep at night, his magic blankie would then take flight!” In the first book he goes under the sea and meets a mermaid named Zoe, then to the musical forest where he meets a forest gnome named Simon, and Murrey the talking tree, and finally, a leprechaun named Patrick who shares his gold. At the end they all get together for a birthday party at the beach.
The possibilities for future adventures are endless. The little boy I wrote this for has family roots in Greece, so the next book will be a magic blankie trip to the Greek Isles!

This seems like a quite entertaining premise for a younger audience, Marguerite. Will there be a lesson that pairs with the flight of the imagination? What will distinguish the various trips (besides locale)?

Entry 5

Elira by Brian Stapleton

When a young baby is born into the world of Naziuen, she is immediately made the target of an evil Sorceress who desires more than anything to become Queen of this fabled land.  Assassins walk in the shadows, blades drawn seeking to put an end to the life of the baby that will, one day, be the future Queen even as traitors hide amidst those believed to be the most trusted of the Royal Court.

Fearing for the baby’s life, the Midwife at the request of the Queen and King takes the baby and flees Naziuen through the use of enchanted Mirrors that enable one to travel to other lands.

In a small town in Iowa, the young baby named Elira is raised by the Midwife safe from her enemies but is she ?  Mirrors become twisted, distorted as a portal appears and those obedient to the evil Sorceress begin pouring in the small town in Iowa where Elira lives and her destiny begins to unfold.

A series of three books that tells the epic tale of a future Queen who, before birth, is hounded by an evil Sorceress who desires the Throne above all else and will stop at nothing to attain that Throne.

You have certainly put some thought into your trilogy, Brian! I think you are working with a solid theme for middle-grade readers (and adults reading along guiltily as well.) I would advocate you continue your reading in this genre as you write so you can always be sure you are breaking new ground with your characters and structure.

Thanks to all our great entrants to the Pitch Your Book to Life Contest. Today, I’m providing feedback on 11 more pitches that prompted some ideas on my end. I’ll be posting more in the next few days, so if you don’t see yours here, don’t worry. Public voting begins April 13 and you’ll have the opportunity to invite your friends to vote for your book pitch. See pitches and my feedback below in blue.

Entry  1

It’s Simply…Serendipity: Unwavering Faith (One Woman’s Quest to Discovering Authenticity) by Cali Gilbert

A young entrepreneur with a colourful past, former athlete, magazine publisher experiences one year from HELL. She loses everything beginning with suffering a miscarriage, relationship fails, car dies, money runs out, loses home. Faced with two options, GIVE UP or START OVER, she chooses the ladder. An aspiring photographer and writer, she manages to self publish two books combining her passions on ZERO budget. Working solely on total belief in herself and unwavering faith, she discovers her true authentic self.

You clearly have an inspiring story. I’d like to see more about 1) who is your market 2) what makes this book particularly fresh–we hear a good deal about “authentic self” nowadays, so you need to make the pitch sound 100% fresh. See if you can come up with a final sentence that wow us. Be careful of spelling when pitching to agents. Spell check won’t catch words like “ladder” vs. “latter.” Though there’s potential for an accidental pun here about the corporate ladder, perhaps.

Entry 2

Lessons from Paradise by Bridget Skjordahl

What can be learned  from a tiny island in the Caribbean about living joyfully in challenging times? Share in my personal adventure, from the painful sacrifice of the life I knew, through the unexpected adversities of life in “paradise,” to the present as I live the life of my dreams. With the island and its West Indian culture as guides, each chapter illustrates one of fifteen timeless lessons that can help anyone live more joyfully.

I’d love to know a bit more about the island (its name, for instance) that would make it become more concrete and real for me. Even though you only had the opportunity for a short pitch–I’d love to see at least one or two quirky details that start to bring this to life. 

Entry 3

Dancing with Trees by Star Bear Lewis

Do you notice the trees in your life? Ever wonder about the Tree of Life? Take a walk or dance in the woods and discover your own meaning of trees along the path of your life journey. A photographic journey in rich full color with brilliant inspirational quotes, thoughts, ideas.

Sounds inviting. While photography can limit your options (it’s more expensive and so harder to get published), I know that some photographers are using campaigns like kickstarter.com and authr.com to fund more expensive projects like photography books. Click here a blog post on crowdfunding that will provide more detail.

Entry 4

God Was Our Matchmaker by Alicia Parente

God’s hand in two people’s four year journey, after the death of a spouse, to meet, fall in love, get married, move out of state, and start a whole new life.  How impossible odds were overcome to move forward and move ahead when the world thought you should stay in one place.  God winks, power of positive thinking, law of attraction – whatever you want to call it – we know that God paved our way and we can prove it.

I’d like to get a sense of what the impossible odds refers to–and maybe more specificity about what this means:  “when the world thought you should stay in what place.”

Entry 5

Untitled by Nora Hall

Picture…if you will…Peter rising at 6 for golf and returning briefly before jogging––then Mary coming from work to a pile of sweaty clothing––or Paul, another new retiree, sleeping till 9, and dreaming of the lunch he wishes would be served.

Survive Your Husband’s Retirement looks at changes in a relationship––and the errant behavior that comes along with it––when a husband retires. Replete with couple’s stories, cartoons, Bliss Bits and Thoughts to Ponder, Survive prompts women to laugh, to cry, to think––and finally––take action to return bliss to the relationship.

Nora, Great details about the features of the book. I’m not sure the two examples give us enough of a sense of the tension or as much humor as I’ve seen from you in the past. But still, an effective pitch. Could also be valuable to include a sense of the size of this market.

Entry  6

The Mending Map – guideposts on the road back to health by Margery Phelps

If you were recovering from a serious injury or illness and having a variety of problems such as pain, insomnia, depression, finances, physical therapy, relationships, and nutrition, where would you go for help?  Medical doctors don’t have time, you don’t want to burden your family, and your best friend has never been sick and doesn’t know how it feels. Best-selling author, Margery Phelps, gives you practical advice for overcoming the mending roadblocks.  She not only survived a near-fatal illness, she has also overcome a broken neck.  Margery now enjoys great health and “The Mending Map” will show how you can, too!

I like the title, Margery. It’s a compelling idea. I think the subtitle could be improved–guideposts sounds weak–perhaps there is something stronger. Great also that you indicate you are a bestselling author. Nicely done.

Entry  7

Let’s Talk About …  Hormones  – A Life Changing Message by Jackie Harvey

Jackie Harvey has 20 years of experience communicating her “you can do it” message motivating women to create a lifestyle change and take control and responsibility for their own hormone health.  Let’s Talk About Hormones assumes this truth….everyone has hormones!  In a woman’s lifetime out-of-balance hormones produce symptoms that range from PMS in the teens and 20’s to infertility and cystic ovaries in the 30’s and 40’s to hot flashes and Breast Cancer in the 50’s and Osteoporisis in the 60’s! The lay person language of this book qualifies it as a must read for every women who intuitively senses that her hormones are out of balance and at the root of her symptoms. Implement the simple strategies laid out in a 5 Step Program to balance your hormones and hormone health and wellness will be yours.

This sounds to me like a book that could have a significant audience if you can make the title/subtitle more specific. Right now, it’s going to appeal to someone who already thinks they have a problem with hormones. I suspect your audience may be bigger than that. How can you capture a bigger audience? “Let’s Talk about Hormones…” while sounding conversational (which is good) could also be made more compelling as a title I think (clarify what problem it’s solving perhaps).

Entry  8

Self Care Yoga: Short Healing Lessons for Body, Mind, & Life! by Kate Forest, RYT

In my book, Self Care Yoga: Short Healing Lessons for Body, Mind, & Life!  I share five simple yoga routines and eighteen Self Care Skills that were designed to fit today’s busy lifestyle and relieve physical, mental, and emotional distress. The unique perspective of this self-paced program also shares personal experiences, compelling student stories, and self-reflective written exercises that inspire readers to live my Five Principles of Mindful Living on the yoga mat and in life, as a way to better support themselves, others, and the world. There are no pretzel-poses here, just healing postures with clear easy-to-follow instructions, full color photos, and chair variations for those needing or wanting to be even gentler with themselves, whether a beginner or long time yoga student. Included is a CD of my voice with calming music to guide readers, and perhaps a group of their friends, through the featured Self Care Yoga routines. I live these healing skills daily and as an advanced level yoga teacher and mindful living coach of twelve years, have shared these teachings with thousands of students in my classes, workshops, and Self Care retreats, and encourage readers to share these skills with others. (www.kateforest.com)

Hi Kate, You’ve done a great job of capturing the needs of this audience.  The features make this sound like a very experiential and multidimensional book. Great that you also emphasize your expertise. Photos do make a book more expensive, but in the yoga community there is some demand for this type of book (with extensive photos). You may be able to interest a specialized publisher or consider crowd funding (kickstarter.com or authr.com) if your platform is not big enough for a larger publisher.

Entry  9

Naked Before God: One Woman’s Journey Through the Wilderness of Bondage, Pornography and Internet Dating Into the Light of Liberation, Wholeness and True Love by Karen Schaefer

After years of fruitless searching for a soul mate in the vast desert of Southern California, Karen Schaefer gave up. When she stopped looking and least expected it, it still didn’t find her. Exacerbated but still hopeful, Karen set off on a journey as an art model, using her naked body as vehicle across the United States in her ultimate search for true love, but soon, her journey turned inward as each new location, colorful character and personal experience ranging from glorious and synchronistic to painful, abusive and ultimately deadly brought her to something sacred within. Bridging the gap between Chelsey Handler’s writing and Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love”, this graphic and insightful memoir explodes with vulnerability as well as humor as it utterly demystifies the mystical experience, shedding a familiar light on beauty in the most shocking and unexpected places, namely the inner self. The daring and soul seeking reader will take heart in Karen’s personal motto, “I could run naked through the wilderness literally or figuratively, I chose literally” leading to the deepest understanding that when all else fails in life, sometimes the best thing to do is to get naked. Karen is further endeavoring towards being a transformational author and spiritual teacher and hence the title of this piece: Naked Before God.

Hi Karen, Your subtitle is a bit long–I would keep the parts that are more specific and unusual and cut some of the subtitle that sounds more generic. The pitch will also benefit from some fine tuning by cutting superfluous words. It seems you have a provocative story and by paring down, it will become more compelling. Agents and publishers are a bit jaded by comparisons to “Eat, Pray, Love” because they hear this every day, so you may want to find a fresher comparison, even if it may be a good one.

Entry  10

FROM CHAOS TO COMPASSION: A herstorical Vietnam-American War child-refugee-turned-MD’s odyssey in search of identity, HOME and healing by MAI-PHUONG NGUYEN MD

FROM CHAOS TO COMPASSION (FC2C) is a herstorical memoir that gives voice to the collective post 1975 Vietnamese-American experience through the lens of Mai-Phuong Nguyen, MD– a polyglottic, East-collides-with-West, multi-cultural humanist, community activist, physician lobbyist, educator and currently, social entrepreneur.  Told in flashback and flash-forward first person where time/place/space is blurred, FC2C chronicles Dr. Mai-Phuong’s Quixotic journey that spans 4 continents and several Pacific Islands in search of identity, home and healing for herself, her tribe and her cross-cultural global village.

4/29/12: FC2C’s Book proposal will be coming to a literary agent, editor or publisher NEAR YOU!

Mai Phuoung, you clearly have a powerful story with many themes. One of the biggest challenges of writing a memoir is deciding what to put in and what to leave out–and clarifying the central theme will help that. My colleague Stuart Horwitz has some excellent articles on the subject that may be helpful (www.bookarchitecture.com). Selling the book will depend both on the quality of the writing/your story telling as well as your platform/marketing plan.  

Entry  11

The Great Secret by Kosi Arner

This book reveals the Great Secret. It begins with the death of Jesus, the sudden awakening of the Buddha, the startling realization of Guanyin, and the mysterious revelation of a young boy who would become one of the greatest saints of India has ever known.  The incredible stories of these well known men are irrevocably intertwined with a modern day true story of mystery and intrigue that leads you on amazing journey that delves deep into the heart of consciousness. This book not only reveals Great Secret, it quite literally has the power to change how you perceive your life, the world around you, and opens your heart to the truth of who you really are.

Books that are similar to this book are Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsch, Jesus-A Story of Enlightenment by Deepak Chopra, and Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

The market potential for this book is simply huge.

Kosi, is the book creative nonfiction? Is it part memoir? I’d get a bit more specific on how your book is similar to the books you offer as complementary books–they all seem to be books that deal with spirituality but in different ways. Perhaps you can describe it as ____ meets _________? (fill in the blanks). I’d be careful of comparing a book to Eat, Pray, Love because publishers and agents read proposals every day that compare this particular book and they’re jaded when they read that.  

 

Contestants! As noted above, voting begins tomorrow (entries and revisions will still be allowed through the 15th). Below is a badge you can share on your blog, Facebook, Twitter, or other online sites to encourage your friends and family to vote for your entry.

We have also uploaded the badge to Photobucket for easy sharing options, please contact Jamie@lisatener.com for any questions or to help setup the page on your page!

We’re so excited about the great books being pitched in the Pitch Your Book to Life Contest. Today, I’m providing feedback on 10 pitches that instantly prompted some ideas on my end. I’ll be posting 10 more in the next couple days, so if you don’t see yours here, don’t worry. There are plenty more coming. Public voting begins April 13 and you’ll have the opportunity to invite your friends to vote for your book pitch. See 10 pitches and my feedback below in blue.

Entry 1

Simple Ways to Feel Good by Forest Lamb

Simple Ways is a reminder that we have control of our thoughts and emotions and therefore control of our lives. Using easy techniques and perspectives, this book is empowering in that it is clear and concise, while at the same time presenting dozens of practical ways that we can shift our state of being. As a hypnotherapist and life coach, I specialize in helping people to shift out of their current state into a state that is vibrant and alive, a place where anything seems possible and we remember that we are on this planet to be happy and abundant. Simple Ways to Feel Good does just what it says on the tin, provides you the tools you need to take back your life and create the kind of reality where feeling good is the natural byproduct of your thoughts and actions.

Forrest, this sounds like a very useful book. Publishers and agents will want to know more about the specific market/audience for your book.

Entry 2

Hope for Inspiration! by Hope Corbett

I have a message inside of me, that i have been thinking about for sometime. I have a need to express these  thoughts and feelings, and to perhaps help others to become more in tuned with their inner being and intuition.

Hi, Hope. Intuition can be a hot topic. I’d like to see you get a bit more focused about who the market is and how they might use the information and what benefits they can expect from using the material they learn in the book.

Entry 3

Stories of Single Moms Who Rocked It! by Araceli Gonzalez

I will gather interviews and stories of single moms who weren’t victims of their fate and with their children in tow created and managed a successful business. I want to showcase their struggles and triumphs to inspire other single moms that being a single parent is not a handicap but rather an opportunity to showcase their inner strength. The book will have a few dozen personal stories of struggle and strength, including my own.

Araceli, This has a clear audience and sounds like a very inspiring message for such a group. You may want to consider including tips from each mom after her story–these tip lists can make the material very practical, as well and inspirational, and could also be useful for press releases that have tip lists, for reprints, etc.

Entry 4

“As Ever, Pudd” (Letters of a Love Story that never Ends) by Anita Caruso

An unexpected “U” turn on a heavily traveled road in 1976 brings a man and a woman, married to other spouses, down a path destined to change their lives forever. These letters to my husband span over thirty years recapturing the conflicts and emotions of our spouses and the eleven children between us who were affected by our overpowering love affair. And how, after his death, the power of his eternal love enveloped me from beyond. These after death communications were mystifying but always positive. Being connected to him, in spirit, became our new way of living together.

Anita, this sounds like a powerful story. I would make sure that you work out any legal issues (people who may not want to be in the book) as well as let your children know you are writing this book, since they may have strong emotions about it. Make sure your pitch is clear about whether you left your spouses and remarried (I think that’s what you’re saying, but it’s not 100% clear to me).

Entry 5

Fresh Start by Jo Whipp-Prickett

There’s always the photograph of yourself that represents who you are. It is the one that when you look at it you know exactly what you were thinking, how you felt, your hopes, your dreams. What happens when you look at it and realize that the future you saw then, now past, has turned into salty tears of painful memories? How do you, as a single mom regroup, begin again to learn to create a life and dream anew?

Hi Jo, I love the way you start your pitch with a powerful image. Is this a memoir or self-help book?

Entry 6

The RI Kid’s Hiking Guide and Journal by Jeanine Silversmith

Whether you’d like to take a short and sweet stroll, a ramble to an interesting point of interest, or a challenging trek to the top of a rocky hill, this guide will provide the information that kids of all ages (and their grownups!) need to explore dozens of Little Rhody’s wonderful natural places. There will also be ample space, along with questions and writing prompts, to record observations and draw or attach pictures. As founder and director of RI Families in Nature (www.rifamiliesinnature.org), I lead family hikes in every county of this beautiful state and promote the fact that interaction with the natural world has been shown to be important for healthy development in children as well as the physical, mental, and emotional health of both children and adults. As a former classroom and informal science teacher, I am eager and able to create the comprehensive kid-friendly hiking guide that for years I have searched.

Jeanine, This sounds like a fun and practical book. I would get clearer on who the book is written for. It does seem to me that you can write a book that the whole family can use together, but maybe the market for that is the parents? Children’s books are pitched to specific age groups, so you want to be careful about pitching to generically.

Entry 7

Skinny Mom Healthy Child: Achieve Your Optimal Weight, Promote Wellness, Teach Your Kids to Love Healthy Foods! by Emily Webber

Skinny Mom Healthy Child will be the first book to help moms achieve their optimal weight while promoting wellness for the entire family and will give moms the tools to teach their kids to love healthy foods.

Hi Emily, I like your idea of tying weight loss to healthy kids and family. I wonder if there’s a way to tie it even more creatively or playfully. I’m not sure about “skinny” vs. something like Slim and fit. It may work, but for me, it doesn’t quite fit. I wonder if a lot of moms feel they’re past skinny and would just be happy with slim and fit! Maybe it’s just me. Diet books do generally require a large “platform” or following –(you’re competing with big names). Having a unique angle, as you do, will help, but without a big following, you may need to self-publish or find a smaller niche publisher.

Entry 8

Work Not Play Therapy: A Six Step Program To Help Your Anxious Child by Kathleen Trainor

It is estimated that up to 15% of children will be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and a large percentage of them will be treated with psychiatric medications. Building upon the latest research on the effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the power of brain plasticity, this book guides parents to teach their child how to train their brain to overcome anxiety. Children on the autism spectrum can benefit from this program as well as children who have disorders associated with anxiety like hair pulling and tics. The author is on the faculty of Harvard Medical School and has thirty years experience working with anxious children and their parents. This wealth of experience is evident through the intimate stories of children and their parents confronted with these disorders and how, together, they work to manage and overcome anxiety.

Very clear audience, Kathleen, and you have top credentials. The subtitle is very clear. I’m not 100% sure of the title–can you make it just a little more inviting? Parents may get anxious themselves thinking, “How am I going to get my kid to work not play?” You want it to sound very accessible to parents.

Entry 9

Don’t Lick the Trash Can by Lauren Jordan

Somewhere over Yemen, hours into our eighteen hour flight home, poop oozing out of our newly adopted 7 month old and all over the seat of the plane, Mike and I realized that life was about to change dramatically.  What follows are two humorous years of co-sleeping, attachment issues, terrible twos, and mommy playgroup drama. But a breakdown makes me deal with my anxiety issues and unrealistic expectations, and finally take a harder look at my own relationship with my parents. Allowing myself to look forward, let go of the past, and make myself a priority again, I learn to become an even better mother to the greatest gift I had been given; my son. Now if only I can get him potty trained life would be perfect…

Lauren, I love the humor–a great title. For memoir, you’ll need fabulous writing, a fresh hook (that humorous title may be enough as long as you keep up the humor), and you will need a platform (following) to interest publishers. I know you’re a blogger, so keep up the blogging and continue to build your following.

Entry 10

The Reluctant Real Estate Agent: Unlocking the Industry’s Front Door by Nick Cronin

Real estate transactions are the most expensive commission-based services any of us will incur during our life-time. For real estate agents, it is singularly the most expensive self-employed franchised fee paying business in America. Yet the industry stealthy remains unchallenged with an archaic oligarchical infrastructure that’s resiliently impervious to any outside influence. Why? As a Brit ex-pat in Miami who as a rookie agent in the last two years achieved more in sales than 95 percent of the one million plus agents nationwide. I have a timely, relevant and controversial tell all exposé for America’s 100 million-plus home owners. They are oblivious to the industries cynical avaricious core values all based on a shady, deceitful, extortion-based, multi-layered shell game.

Nicolas, sounds like you have a great insider hook. It’s just not 100% clear to me that the book is for homeowners and the benefit they will get from it. Is this a memoir, or is it a how-to book? How-to is generally easier to sell. Perhaps a how-to with strong memoir elements would be ideal.