Lisa Tener

Book Writing Coach

Writing Blocks

Questioning Your Book

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Lisa Tener
Lisa Tener
I received an e-mail today from someone who was looking for an editor–sort of.

In her e-mail she complained that she’d already spent thousands of dollars on a book proposal that agents told her was terrific but that there was no market for–unless she was someone famous. [Note: I had not helped her with the book proposal–someone else had done that–she came to me looking for an editor so she could self publish].

She also wondered whether she was smart to even be looking for an editor. Was the book really as good as people said it was? Was she wasting her time and money?

I gave her the name of a terrific editor who was within her budget. But I also offered a bit of unsolicited advice, which I then decided to share with my writing blog readers. This author was wise to get writing feedback from experts and her audience. It’s important to see where you’re on track with the writing and where it doesn’t work for readers. Yet, it’s equally important not to look for validation from others for what you know in your heart.

Yes, get an editor or expert to provide detailed feedback, but don’t allow criticism to penetrate so deeply that you lose faith in your project.

In my experience, writing a book brings up a person’s past issues. Writing a book is about fully expressing yourself, being big in the world, being seen, being in your power. If you sometimes got stuck in victim mode in the past, or your parents or teachers gave you the message to suppress your brilliance, writing a book is going to bring up those old tapes.

Time to release those old messages around self-esteem, personal power and self expression.  Step into your power. The faster you release the past, the faster and easier will be your rise to success.

Enjoy your brilliance. Write. Publish. And have a great day.

Please share your experiences as a comment to the blog!

Too painful to write. Too painful to read.

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Dan Tomasulo, Guest Blogger
Dan Tomasulo, Guest Blogger

Guest Blog by Daniel Tomasulo, author of Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir

My first popular press book came out earlier this year. Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir was published by Graywolf in May and was well received.

In the six months since it has been released I have received a number of good reviews from around the country, sold out readings at several chain and independent bookstores, and was recently informed that the first printing just sold out. About as good a start as a debut author could hope for.

But something else happened I hadn’t planned on.

My other books and articles were all of an academic nature with very little in the way of an emotional connection to the material. As passionate as I might be about a topic I never had feelings, deep feelings, emerge when I presented a paper or workshop at a professional meeting. It took ten years to write the funny, sad, and tragic parts of my life.

The book laid out in detail my memories and dramas, and they are told in varying time lines making connections between my life as a child, my family now, and my work as a therapist. The funny stories were easy to read in public. I had been a stand-up comic and comedy writer for years before finishing my PhD, and the art of telling stories to make people laugh was second nature.

But losing my mother and father to cancer and heart disease respectively, partying with my second cousin, Gary, the night of his overdose from heroin, and the grief following the lose of a patient to addiction, have not been read in public.

Each time I rehearsed these stories I have struggled to get through, and haven’t yet had the guts to read them to an audience. I like to entertain with the stories that make people laugh or think, but reliving the sadness of these other stories has been difficult.

As a therapist I deal with the trauma and depression of my patients by holding their feelings for them as they work through the particulars of their lives. But as an artist presenting what I have lived — the emotional pain of accessing the material again becomes overpowering.

My original plan for the memoir was for it to be a collection of comic essays, but while on a teaching fellowship at Princeton for the 98-99 academic year, I studied over in the famed writing department which houses such luminaries as Joyce Carol Oates, Toni Morrison, Paul Muldoon (and at the time Jack Klaff and Christopher Durang.)

Needless to say it was an inspiring time and the portfolio of work I was able to produce during that period -all comic in nature – was what I used to apply for an MFA at the New School in NYC. Twenty years after completing my PhD I re-entered graduate school as a creative non fiction student, and began to give the material the time and dedication it would need to become publishable.

Along the way I was lucky enough to have Dani Shapiro become my thesis advisor. (Her memoir Slow Motion was an early Oprah pick). As the manuscript took shape I was also graced with having a course with Lucy Grealy whose critically acclaimed Autobiography of a Face was a deeply moving account of her bout with cancer that disfigured her features Lucy pushed us in her class to write about the darker aspects of our lives. When I protested she stared me down through her cancer ransacked face and delivered a line that could have come from Jung himself: “Our darkness makes us whole.”

For Lucy’s class I wrote a piece called Kettle of Fish about the infamous bar in Greenwich Village Gary ran in the 70s. The story was about the night we partied at the bar, and his accidental overdose of heroin afterwards.

Lucy loved the story and encouraged me to submit it for the university chapbook competition. I graduated and won the contest. Lucy died of an accidental overdose of heroin the following year at age 39.

I have practiced reading Kettle of Fish dozens of times but have never made it through without the dark memories percolating in my psyche. A knot forms in my stomach when the image of my cousin lying in his coffin is described in the story. The knot finds it’s way to my throat, and more often than not my tongue will have to snare a salty tear from running off my face.

But I want to read this story; I want to tell this tale. But the struggle is to tell it in my voice without reliving it. The difficulty is reclaiming the material. Consider that this barely 900 word blog entry took over three hours to compose and finally send off.

The Fellowship gave me the time I needed to get my words on paper, and the New School gave me the structure to produce publishable work. Finally, Lucy pushed me to write about the darkness. But it seems that I have to find my reading voice on my own.

My publisher and I have recently contacted the owner of Kettle of Fish (still in the village) about my doing a reading of the story there next year.

This will give me time to practice. I’ll report back here on my progress.

For more information about Dan Tomasulo please check out the website.

The Squirtgun Approach to Motivation

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Donna Montalbano Uses the Squirtgun Approach
Donna Montalbano Uses the Squirtgun Approach

Many writers find it challenging to sit down and write at will. They might schedule the time in their calendar to write, but when the time comes, they suddenly notice the grimy buildup inside the stove (time for some steel wool) or they head to the fridge to fix themselves a snack–anything to avoid writing.

It can be even more challenging if you are writing a book that brings up emotionally challenging issues. My friend and colleague, Donna Montalbano, recently shared a terrific secret with me. After completing The Shop on Wickendon Street, her sequel to the local phenomenon (Providence and Rhode Island), The House on Benefit Street, Donna realized the sequel needed rewriting.

The problem was, it had been an arduous process to write the book through a challenging time in her personal life. The character’s experiences often wove together with Donna’s painful personal experiences. The last thing she wanted was to revisit such agony…and yet, she owed it to Angie’s fans, who begged for more.

At first, she tried the squirt gun approach to motivating herself to write: “If you don’t write now, Donna, your eyelashes are going to fall out.” Having experienced such effects from menopause, this actually did motivate her in the short run. Then she realized that her eyelashes didn’t fall out whether she wrote or not. Uh oh. Time for a new trick.

Donna decided to use her fan base for motivation. She serialized the sequel on her website. Fans come from all over the world–her biggest hubs of fans being Chicago, California and New York. Now she has to polish and publish a chapter a week or she’ll disappoint her fans. The motivation works.

You might worry that serializing your book could eat away at your reader base, but serialization can actually catapult a book to instant fame and blockbuster sales. A Gentleman’s Agreement came out in 1947, after being serialized in Cosmopolitan. The book sold out its first printing of 30,000 books in three days and was number one on the New York Times Bestseller list for weeks! Just one example in a long history of serialization success–from Charles Dickens to Stephen King.

What if My Memoir Can Hurt Others?

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Mary Beth asked, in a recent comment in response to my blog post Too Painful To Write:

“I know that some day I will write a book that will help ME, but I’m terrified that people reading this book would be very hurt by it.  Just by telling my story from my point of view, people may feel that they aren’t potrayed in the best light. How do you be true to your feelings and not hurt the people that are a part of your life now or were a part of your life in the past?”

There is no easy answer to this question, but here’s your writing coach’s advice:

1. Write the book true to yourself. You can always decide to withhold some information later–but start out with your most powerful truth.

2.  Weigh your decision. When it is time to decide, ask yourself how important certain details are to the story. Perhaps you can soften or leave out those details that don’t move the story along and would hurt others. Some “truths” may be very important to the story, in those cases, see number 3…

3. Communicate. Talk to those people you portray in the book. Let them know ahead of time if their “appearance” is not negotiable. Yet, let them know you’re contacting them first so that they’re not surprised by what they see in the book. Perhaps you do want to give them the opportunity to suggest a middle ground–but perhaps not.

4.  Be clear of your subjectivity. You can begin your book with a note to the reader stating that this book is about your recollection and perspective, and that you don’t hold a patent on the truth. Acknowledge that others may see a situation very differently.

5. Talk it over with an objective colleague, mentor or writing coach. It may help to discuss your dilemma with someone who’s not involved in the situation. They may shed some light on an issue that may be too close to home to weigh.

Of course, you also have the option of publishing your book as fiction. In general, fiction is harder to sell and I don’t know how much it would truly protect anyone’s feelings, as they may still see themselves in the characters.

Recently a writing coaching client of mine mentioned a friend of hers whose memoir was published and shocked the author’s family members. This author had not let anyone know the details of the book ahead of time. Her family read sensitive information about themselves at the same time the press and the public received it. Now, that is a recipe for disaster in terms of relationships.

You’re walking a fine line of being true to yourself and your story and being sensitive to those who love. There’s no pat answer, but, as a writing coach, my instinct is this: if you keep asking the questions you’re asking, I think you’ll find your way just fine, Mary Beth.

Writer’s Block

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I just ready Cathy Stucker’s blog on Writer’s block and she brought up a good point about fear being a common cause of writer’s block. And, of course, the thing to do to get rid of fear is to do it anyway.

Opening up to nature can transform writer's block.
Opening up to nature can transform writer’s block.

However, As a writer and writing coach, I find that stress and depletion are two very big reasons that my writing clients and students experience writer’s block. When you come to your writing refreshed and in an open frame of mind, the writing can often flow with ease. But if you’re still breathing shallowly, thinking of the 10,000 things on your to-do list, you’re not very present.

Writing is about being present. When you’re present, you make your writing come alive for your reader. You paint a picture. You make it real. Which, oh-my-gosh, I’m not actually doing right now. I’m generalizing, pontificating, but I’m not showing (I’m telling). So I might not be blocked, but I’m not knocking your socks off, either.

Truth is, I just finished packing for a trip to my parent’s house in Sag Harbor early tomorrow morning. My husband loaded the boys into his Toyota Corolla for a quick trip to Home Depot. We’re due to go to a party in about a half our and I need a shower, a wardrobe adjustment, and time to turn my hair into something other than Medusa on a bad day. So I think I fell into category two–not blocked but not much fun either.

By now, I hope I’ve painted a picture and that brings me to some of the cures for writer’s block due to stress or fatigue.

1.  Take a walk in nature and allow the autumn smells and cool, crisp air to replenish you. Breathe deeply.

2.  Listen to your favorite music. You can lie down and take it in, dance or sing out loud–whatever it takes to energize you.

3. Bust through it by sheer will–write a bunch of blah until it turns into something else.

4. Do a few yoga postures, chi gong or even jumping jacks.

5. Meditate for a few minutes. You can even close your eyes and just picture yourself as the stress melts away. Then picture yourself writing with ease and feeling the exhilaration of inspired writing.

The challenge with my third suggestion is that sometimes it doesn’t turn into something else. In that case, those rejuvenating exercises are a whole lot better. Have fun with my suggestions and see if they get rid of writer’s block. I bet they will.

I also have a visualization I often take my writing coaching clients and students through. At my clients’ request, I’ve made a free recording of the guided visualization–so you never have to suffer from writer’s block again.

Top 10 Reasons to Attend Harvard Medical School’s Publishing Course

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I recently received the brochure for the 2009 course, Publishing Books, Memoirs and Other Creative Nonfiction, which is offered March 26-28 at Boston’s Fairmont Copley Hotel. Several of my writing coaching clients have told me they’ll be there. Will you?

Even if you’re not a medical professional or health writer, I can think of a whole bunch of reasons for you to come:

1. It’s one of the most comprehensive courses on how to become a published author, including information on how to build your platform (and if you don’t know what a platform is, you really need to attend!).

2. You get to meet top literary agents in person with the opportunity to sit down and talk with them. They’ll tell you if they’re interested in your book and, many times, they’ll provide an author with ideas that would make the book more appealing to readers, agents and publishers–taking your book idea from interesting to marketable.

3. You can get expert feedback on your writing and your book concept during the Writer’s Workshop (you can request to work with your favorite writing coach if you want).

4. You can learn how to get into “The Zone” whenever you sit down to write (in the workshop taught by your favorite writing coach on Thursday and Friday).

5. You’ll learn from bestselling authors including, Herbert Benson.

6. You’ll hear cutting edge information from professionals in all walks of publishing: agents, authors, publishers, publicists, writing coaches and editors.

7. Copley Square (Hey, I went to MIT, so a trip to Boston is always a draw for me).

8. Shameless Pitches: Yet another opportunity to grab an agent or publisher’s attention.

9. You’ll learn secrets of compelling writing.

10.  Dr. Julie Silver, the course director, over-delivers (Many people take the course year one, put it into action and attend the following year to pitch to agents and publishers, and also to learn more–each year offers new gems).

I’ve often heard aspiring writers complain about how hard it is to get published. Those people just aren’t doing the right things to get published. Attending this course is the perfect antidote. Not only do you learn exactly what to do, but you make those contacts that are necessary to get published.  I know many people who attended the course and got an agent or publisher for their book within a year or so.

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